Monday, February 23, 2004
Hate gays? Go for it - it's allowed.
You can hate whoever you like. It's only ACTING on your hate that's illegal. Hateful ACTS will get you a nice long vacation at the cross-bar hotel where your friendly cellmate Bubba will give you a free, close-up and personal demonstration of gay sex, so you can see for yourself whether you like it or not.
But hate who you like - it's a free country, isn't it?
You can hate whoever you like. It's only ACTING on your hate that's illegal. Hateful ACTS will get you a nice long vacation at the cross-bar hotel where your friendly cellmate Bubba will give you a free, close-up and personal demonstration of gay sex, so you can see for yourself whether you like it or not.
But hate who you like - it's a free country, isn't it?
Sunday, February 22, 2004
John Kerry stands better than 90% chance . . .
. . . of creating all the new jobs we need.
After all, since the (cough, GOP, cough) Hoover Administration during the Great Depression, EVERY US President EXCEPT George W. Bush has presided over a net increase in American jobs.
This means 11 of 12 Presidents, or a bit over 90%, have "created" jobs during their administrations.
George W. Bush, on the other hand, is the ONLY President SINCE Hoover to LOSE jobs - almost three million of them so far. While he's not as bad as Hoover - who lost a full 25% of the nation's jobs - that's faint consolation to someone trying to feed a family on what Wal-Mart pays.
So which do you trust? The guy who's 90% certain to succeed based on the odds, or the guy who's 100% certain to fail based on his own miserable record?
. . . of creating all the new jobs we need.
After all, since the (cough, GOP, cough) Hoover Administration during the Great Depression, EVERY US President EXCEPT George W. Bush has presided over a net increase in American jobs.
This means 11 of 12 Presidents, or a bit over 90%, have "created" jobs during their administrations.
George W. Bush, on the other hand, is the ONLY President SINCE Hoover to LOSE jobs - almost three million of them so far. While he's not as bad as Hoover - who lost a full 25% of the nation's jobs - that's faint consolation to someone trying to feed a family on what Wal-Mart pays.
So which do you trust? The guy who's 90% certain to succeed based on the odds, or the guy who's 100% certain to fail based on his own miserable record?
Humpty isn't going back together, cons.
From: Liberals
To: Conservatives
Re: Gay Marriage - Humpty isn't going back together again
But don't worry - we liberals PROMISE that if God wants to punish homosexuals after they die, we won't interfere.
We also promise to take full responsibility if God wishes to know just WHOSE bright idea this gay marriage crap was, anyway, and not try to falsely implicate you. We solemnly swear and affirm that we will testify to the fact that you tried to stop us, but we simply insisted on dragging you right down the road to hell along with us.
If you doubt we'll do this, you're free to print out this post as proof, or e-mail it to God, assuming you have His address.
There! Feel better now?
From: Liberals
To: Conservatives
Re: Gay Marriage - Humpty isn't going back together again
But don't worry - we liberals PROMISE that if God wants to punish homosexuals after they die, we won't interfere.
We also promise to take full responsibility if God wishes to know just WHOSE bright idea this gay marriage crap was, anyway, and not try to falsely implicate you. We solemnly swear and affirm that we will testify to the fact that you tried to stop us, but we simply insisted on dragging you right down the road to hell along with us.
If you doubt we'll do this, you're free to print out this post as proof, or e-mail it to God, assuming you have His address.
There! Feel better now?
Wanted - Nader Cheerleaders
Okay, Ralph - this is the SECOND time you've interfered in a presidential election for no apparent reason ofher than your own ego. I think it's about time leftists and progressives sent Ralph a message.
What I'd like to see is for groups of "Nader Cheerleaders" to start showing up at all Nader campaign events. NCs should wear standard cheerleader garb and carry the usual paraphenalia - megaphones, tassles, etc.
When Ralph speaks, the NCs go into their act. Hopefully this wouldn't have to happen TOO many times before Ralph and his supporters get the message that if they wanna play again, they'll have to fight more than just the GOP this time.
Below are suggested sample cheers, although you're certainly welcome to make up your own.
Nader, Nader, he's our man!
He'll put Bush back in again!
Two - four - six - eight!
Who would Karl Rove nominate?
Nader! Nader!
GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, Nader!
Vote for Nader - he's so cool!
He's not really Karl Rove's tool!
Vote for Nader as your President!
If you want Bush to stay the Resident!
It's all right - it's okay!
Ralph can't win it anyway!
Hey, Nader - by the way
How much cash did Karl Rove pay?
Two - four - six - eight!
Wolfowitz would nominate:
Nader! Nader!
GOOOOOOOOOO, Nader!
Nader, Nader - he's not wimpy!
Give us four more years of Chimpy!
Okay, Ralph - this is the SECOND time you've interfered in a presidential election for no apparent reason ofher than your own ego. I think it's about time leftists and progressives sent Ralph a message.
What I'd like to see is for groups of "Nader Cheerleaders" to start showing up at all Nader campaign events. NCs should wear standard cheerleader garb and carry the usual paraphenalia - megaphones, tassles, etc.
When Ralph speaks, the NCs go into their act. Hopefully this wouldn't have to happen TOO many times before Ralph and his supporters get the message that if they wanna play again, they'll have to fight more than just the GOP this time.
Below are suggested sample cheers, although you're certainly welcome to make up your own.
Nader, Nader, he's our man!
He'll put Bush back in again!
Two - four - six - eight!
Who would Karl Rove nominate?
Nader! Nader!
GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, Nader!
Vote for Nader - he's so cool!
He's not really Karl Rove's tool!
Vote for Nader as your President!
If you want Bush to stay the Resident!
It's all right - it's okay!
Ralph can't win it anyway!
Hey, Nader - by the way
How much cash did Karl Rove pay?
Two - four - six - eight!
Wolfowitz would nominate:
Nader! Nader!
GOOOOOOOOOO, Nader!
Nader, Nader - he's not wimpy!
Give us four more years of Chimpy!
Saturday, February 21, 2004
Homosexuality IS a choice!
Gays choose to be gay, just like the way I choose to have my dick get hard at the thought of sex with a woman. Nothing involuntary about it. After all, it's not like men ever get hard-ons at inconvenient times and embarrass themselves, right? It's a CHOICE.
I CHOOSE to not be turned on at the thought of having sex with men.
Wait - that didn't come out right . . .
Gays choose to be gay, just like the way I choose to have my dick get hard at the thought of sex with a woman. Nothing involuntary about it. After all, it's not like men ever get hard-ons at inconvenient times and embarrass themselves, right? It's a CHOICE.
I CHOOSE to not be turned on at the thought of having sex with men.
Wait - that didn't come out right . . .
What has six balls and screws you twice a week?
Powerball.
Powerball.
Has anyone else noticed?
That Herr Gropenfuerher's tender concern for the sanctity of marriage doesn't appear to extend to the point of actually requiring him to be faithful to his OWN wife?
That Herr Gropenfuerher's tender concern for the sanctity of marriage doesn't appear to extend to the point of actually requiring him to be faithful to his OWN wife?
Friday, February 20, 2004
It's so tempting to believe, isn't it?
To believe there's a plan. To believe it all makes sense. And most especially, to believe that there will be another chance - that all those we've loved and lost will be with us again in some happy forever.
To believe we'll have another chance to set things right with those we've hurt. To believe our families will ALWAYS be there for us, forever and ever, amen.
To believe that pain and death aren't really eternal, but happiness and joy are. To believe you'll somehow - magically - come through this okay.
You won't. Look, I'm REALLY sorry to have to be the one to tell you. I know JUST how you feel, believe me - I felt the same way when I found out. But I promise you - I PROMISE you - that this is the worst thing you'll ever have to face in your life. If you can just make it through this, everything else will be a piece of cake. Trust me.
It's not really so bad, knowing that this is all there is, and that the only chance at Heaven we're going to have is whatever we manage to create for ourselves right here and now. Be strong, and you CAN deal with this.
I have. So have lots of others. And we're here for you - no BS. Say the word to us and we'll be glad to listen, sympathize, advise. We know what you're going through, because it's the same thing we're all going through.
It's called "being human." And when you get right down to it, it's really not so bad.
To believe there's a plan. To believe it all makes sense. And most especially, to believe that there will be another chance - that all those we've loved and lost will be with us again in some happy forever.
To believe we'll have another chance to set things right with those we've hurt. To believe our families will ALWAYS be there for us, forever and ever, amen.
To believe that pain and death aren't really eternal, but happiness and joy are. To believe you'll somehow - magically - come through this okay.
You won't. Look, I'm REALLY sorry to have to be the one to tell you. I know JUST how you feel, believe me - I felt the same way when I found out. But I promise you - I PROMISE you - that this is the worst thing you'll ever have to face in your life. If you can just make it through this, everything else will be a piece of cake. Trust me.
It's not really so bad, knowing that this is all there is, and that the only chance at Heaven we're going to have is whatever we manage to create for ourselves right here and now. Be strong, and you CAN deal with this.
I have. So have lots of others. And we're here for you - no BS. Say the word to us and we'll be glad to listen, sympathize, advise. We know what you're going through, because it's the same thing we're all going through.
It's called "being human." And when you get right down to it, it's really not so bad.
Thursday, February 19, 2004
AP: Laura Bush Stands by Her Man
Ladies and Gentlemen,
PAMMY DINETTE!
Sometimes, it's hard to be a woman.
Giving all your love to just one chimp.
It's not like he's your pimp,
In brainpower, he's a gimp.
'Cause after all, he's just a chimp.
STAND BY YOUR CHIMP,
Give him some ripe bananas!
Keep him away from pretzels,
Democrats,
and Nader's arseholes!
STAND BY YOUR CHIMP!
Tell them all that he's not lying
looking in your mirror as you primp!
STAND - BY - YOUR
CHIIIIIIMP!!!
Ladies and Gentlemen,
PAMMY DINETTE!
Sometimes, it's hard to be a woman.
Giving all your love to just one chimp.
It's not like he's your pimp,
In brainpower, he's a gimp.
'Cause after all, he's just a chimp.
STAND BY YOUR CHIMP,
Give him some ripe bananas!
Keep him away from pretzels,
Democrats,
and Nader's arseholes!
STAND BY YOUR CHIMP!
Tell them all that he's not lying
looking in your mirror as you primp!
STAND - BY - YOUR
CHIIIIIIMP!!!
Monday, February 16, 2004
Nobody has to spin the obvious
When it's easy to see what's happening, nobody NEEDS to spin. Remember that next time you see some witless drone attempting to talk black into white (or the chimp into a great leader) - nobody needs to spin the truth.
When someone oh-so-earnestly explains why things aren't really as they appear, they're either deluded or lying. This is also true of those who attempt to sell patently ridiculous explanations or excuses. They're either fools, or liars with an axe to grind. There are almost no exceptions to this.
When it's easy to see what's happening, nobody NEEDS to spin. Remember that next time you see some witless drone attempting to talk black into white (or the chimp into a great leader) - nobody needs to spin the truth.
When someone oh-so-earnestly explains why things aren't really as they appear, they're either deluded or lying. This is also true of those who attempt to sell patently ridiculous explanations or excuses. They're either fools, or liars with an axe to grind. There are almost no exceptions to this.
Friday, February 13, 2004
Gay Marriage and the Wrath of God
Hello, son - good to see you. Come in - sit down.
You know, your mom and I have been meaning to have a talk with you about all this "Wrath of God" stuff you keep hearing about at church now that gay couples can get married, too.
Remember when you were a little kid, and we told you there wasn't really a Santa Claus? Well, it's sorta like that with God. I mean, He USED to be all-powerful and Wrathful and all, but then three or four hundred years ago, some bozo named KneeChee or something like that started this whole "God is dead" thing, and let me tell you! His Holy Wrath just grew MORE furious and MORE furious, and . . . well, to make a long story short, He had a stroke.
Anyway, He's still around, but He's never really been the same since, particularly with the Wrathful stuff. Oh, He still talks about it once in a while - kinda drools a little, so you know that's what He means. But it's just not the same. He hasn't smoted anyone in simply forever.
So that's the ugly truth. Sorry to dump this on you at such a bad time, son, but I couldn't keep the truth from you any longer.
Hello, son - good to see you. Come in - sit down.
You know, your mom and I have been meaning to have a talk with you about all this "Wrath of God" stuff you keep hearing about at church now that gay couples can get married, too.
Remember when you were a little kid, and we told you there wasn't really a Santa Claus? Well, it's sorta like that with God. I mean, He USED to be all-powerful and Wrathful and all, but then three or four hundred years ago, some bozo named KneeChee or something like that started this whole "God is dead" thing, and let me tell you! His Holy Wrath just grew MORE furious and MORE furious, and . . . well, to make a long story short, He had a stroke.
Anyway, He's still around, but He's never really been the same since, particularly with the Wrathful stuff. Oh, He still talks about it once in a while - kinda drools a little, so you know that's what He means. But it's just not the same. He hasn't smoted anyone in simply forever.
So that's the ugly truth. Sorry to dump this on you at such a bad time, son, but I couldn't keep the truth from you any longer.
Tuesday, February 10, 2004
History Lesson
1976 - Jimmy Carter rides into office on a wave of public indignation over GOP corruption.
1992 - Bill Clinton rides into office on a wave of public indignation over GOP corruption.
2004 - (yet-to-be-named Dem) rides into office on a wave . . .
Oh, hell. You get the idea.
People were highly pissed over Ford's pardon of Nixon. They also weren't very happy with the antics of George "I'm a real war hero, dammit - where the FUCK is MY action figure?" H.W. Bush concerning matters like the odious Iran/Contra affair. What do those two situations have in common with the upcoming elections? Wins for the Democrats.
The only way the GOP will win this fall is to once again fix the election. All this controversy concerning touch-screen voting machines that leave no paper trail is well justified. Anyone who doubts that either side would take such an advantage if it were available hasn't been paying attention. Particularly disturbing is the networks' ending of exit polling during the 2002 elections. One has to wonder if the networks ceased exit-polling not because such polls were no longer accurate, but because they were TOO accurate and no longer agreed with the pre-determined results of our "free" elections.
Don't think we're capable of such things, that they're solely the province of third-world banana republics? Then you REALLY haven't been paying attention.
1976 - Jimmy Carter rides into office on a wave of public indignation over GOP corruption.
1992 - Bill Clinton rides into office on a wave of public indignation over GOP corruption.
2004 - (yet-to-be-named Dem) rides into office on a wave . . .
Oh, hell. You get the idea.
People were highly pissed over Ford's pardon of Nixon. They also weren't very happy with the antics of George "I'm a real war hero, dammit - where the FUCK is MY action figure?" H.W. Bush concerning matters like the odious Iran/Contra affair. What do those two situations have in common with the upcoming elections? Wins for the Democrats.
The only way the GOP will win this fall is to once again fix the election. All this controversy concerning touch-screen voting machines that leave no paper trail is well justified. Anyone who doubts that either side would take such an advantage if it were available hasn't been paying attention. Particularly disturbing is the networks' ending of exit polling during the 2002 elections. One has to wonder if the networks ceased exit-polling not because such polls were no longer accurate, but because they were TOO accurate and no longer agreed with the pre-determined results of our "free" elections.
Don't think we're capable of such things, that they're solely the province of third-world banana republics? Then you REALLY haven't been paying attention.
